Pro Tips provided by David Meichenbaum, Ph.D.

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a healthy and appropriate way. Children who struggle with emotional dysregulation often experience greater challenges and/or distress in various situations than other children their same age. Emotional dysregulation may appear as misbehavior, worry, avoidance, sadness, defiance, agitation, or tantrums.   

There are a few things parents and educators can do to support the development and demonstration of emotional regulation skills.  With the steps and strategies outlined below, you can help your child or student cope with everyday challenges, navigate social interactions, and maintain their mental well-being.  

1. Identify triggers.

For many children there are predicable events that lead to dysregulation. Some common triggers include: 

• Changes in schedule or routine such as being late or cancelled activity.
• Starting something new.
• Being told “no.”
• Hypersensitivity to sensory input like sounds, lights, and textures.
• Receiving too much information or being asked too many questions without enough time to process. 

2. Be proactive.

Once probable triggers are identified, a variety of strategies can be used to reduce future dysregulation and set children up for success, such as:   

• Avoiding or minimizing exposure to triggers.
• Reducing uncertainty by creating predictability with social stories, visual schedules, and behavioral rehearsal.
• Being prepared for potential distress by having ready access to coping, comfort, preferred, and even distraction items in a “comfort/to go bag.”
• Ensuring the child has effective communication means across settings.

3. Identify early warning signs.

Pay attention to the initial indicators of frustration or distress, such as changes in body language, facial expressions, or physical behavior.  Noticing the early warning signs allows us to support a child’s demonstration of a more appropriate response before they become highly dysregulated.

4. Support the identification of feelings.

A necessary step in learning emotional regulation skills is to understand one’s feelings. Parents and teachers can support emotional awareness by: 

• Pointing out what they see and hear.
• Labeling emotions.
• Validating their experience.
• Encouraging alternative behaviors. 

 Altogether it might sound like, “Sawyer I can hear in your raised voice that you are getting upset. Sometimes I get upset when I can’t finish what I started. Remember when we feel upset, it’s time to make a calming choice.” 

Responding in this manner not only helps a child understand their feelings, but also conveys to the child that you understand their experience. This can reduce the need for further behavioral escalation. 

5. Identify and teach expected responses.

Every challenging behavior occurs because a more appropriate behavior is not being demonstrated. Identify the behavior that is not occurring (e.g., “moving on”, “resetting”, “pressing pause”). The more appropriate behavior is called an adaptive alternative behavior. Children who experience emotional dysregulation will need teaching and rehearsal at using their adaptive alternative behavior. Additionally, modeling of the expected behavior, by adults and peers, can help children acquire the appropriate response.

6. Prepare and front-load for success.

Create a reinforcement plan to celebrate a child’s demonstration of their regulation skills. When possible, review ahead of time (where challenges can be anticipated), the expected adaptive alternative response and the positive outcome to follow.

In summary, building emotional regulation skills requires careful planning and communication amongst all family and/or educational team members. It’s important to be patient, flexible, and proactive. Each child’s emotional regulation journey is different, and progress will come with time, consistency, and support. You are not alone. If need be, reach out to support networks such as therapists, educators, and other parents for guidance and encouragement.